You Cannot Build Grit on Quicksand

Category: Education | Read time: 10 min read | Published: 2025-05-19

There has been a lot of noise about 'grit' lately. About resilience. About pushing through. We do want children to be able to face life's challenges. But you cannot build grit on quicksand.

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There has been a lot of noise about 'grit' lately. About resilience. About pushing through. And I get it. We do want children to be able to face life's challenges. To develop strength and stay standing when things get hard.

But let us be honest. You cannot build grit on quicksand.

This week, the UK Education Secretary gave a speech full of ambition. She spoke of her own powerful story of social mobility. It is credible and shows that ambition comes from a place of lived experience and a desire to fix what has gone so wrong with our education system. I truly believe in her sentiment and in her desire to make school a place for all, and to reverse the chronic absenteeism that the system now faces.

There was talk of more teachers (6,500 of them, during a recruitment crisis), of reforming accountability, but the focus was on children needing to build resilience, their grit, to succeed. There is a lot I agree with. The sentiment and attitude of this government, I believe, come from the right place.

But here is the thing. A broken system cannot be fixed by simply asking more of the children inside it. We are not building strength. We are shifting the burden of responsibility.

Why 'Grit' Has Become a Popular Word in Education

In recent years, grit has been promoted in schools as a tool for improving outcomes, especially for children from disadvantaged backgrounds. The idea is that by teaching children to persevere, manage failure, and keep working hard, they will be more likely to succeed academically and in life.

The word grit seems to appeal to policymakers and leaders because it feels like a low-cost, high-return solution. If we can instil grit, we can raise standards without always needing more resources.

The Reality Inside Schools

The reality is overstretched, underfunded, and increasingly less psychologically safe.

• More than 600 "stuck schools" have been rated "Requires Improvement" or "Inadequate" in multiple consecutive inspections
• One in four teachers now leaves the profession within three years
• There is a shortfall of 13,000 teachers in England
• Up to 50% of Gen Z identify as neurodivergent or having additional learning needs, yet classroom structures remain focused on exam-driven learning styles
• Persistent absenteeism is at record highs. More than 1.6 million pupils in England are now "persistently absent"

Yet the answer we are offering is: get back to school, work harder, try more. Show grit.

How Do You Build Grit?

By building safety first. Grit grows when children know they will not be punished for failing, humiliated for struggling, or abandoned when things get hard.

By offering emotional security. Children need to know they are accepted for who they are, not just for how well they perform. Encouragement, connection and emotional regulation all matter more than pressure.

By modelling it. When adults demonstrate perseverance with compassion, not perfectionism, children begin to see what it looks like to keep going with kindness, not shame.

By making failure safe. Mistakes must be treated as learning, not weakness. This is especially true for neurodivergent children, who often associate effort with fear of judgement.

By respecting difference in pace, style and pathway. A child with ADHD might show grit just by sitting still for five minutes. A child recovering from trauma might show grit by trusting an adult again. It looks different for everyone.

By removing unnecessary barriers. It is not fair to ask children to climb mountains while adults keep raising the height. If the system is not working for them, changing the system is part of the work.

The Voices We Need to Hear

"You're just being silly."

I am not being silly. I am struggling. But now I know you will not take me seriously, so I will just pretend next time.

"Use your words."

I cannot. My mouth will not work when my brain is on fire. My brain is full. Everything is too loud. I do not have words right now, I just need you to see that I am not okay.

"Everyone else can do it, why can't you?"

Because I am not everyone else. I am already trying harder than you will ever know. Maybe I do not belong here at all.

"You're too sensitive."

No, I feel things deeply. That is not a flaw. But if it makes me too much for you, I will stop showing you anything.

"Stop fidgeting and concentrate."

This is how I concentrate. Moving helps me think. You want me still, more than you want me learning.

"If you just tried harder..."

I am trying. Every minute. Every second. You just cannot see it, so you call me lazy. But I am exhausted.

"Calm down."

You think I do not want to? My heart is racing, my skin hurts, the lights are too bright, the sounds too loud, and everything is hitting me at once. I am not choosing this. I am not being dramatic. I am overwhelmed. I am scared. And now, on top of it all, I feel like I am the problem.

Some children are being asked to build so much grit, they are turning to stone.

Children Today Live in a Different World

Let us stop pretending this is just a matter of toughening up. The children in our classrooms are not growing up in the same world we did.

In just the last 10 years:

• Smartphone access has become near-universal for children aged 10+
• Social media algorithms fuel anxiety, body image issues, and constant comparison
• Online bullying and viral humiliation are part of everyday school life
• Dopamine addiction is not a theory, it is a visible reality
• Knife crime has risen. Children live with fear, loss and trauma
• Covid took away years of structure, friendships and safe routine
• Youth clubs and activities have disappeared from local communities
• Mental health support is overstretched. Some children wait years for help
• Poverty and instability are growing. Some face hunger and unsafe home lives
• Class sizes have grown. Support staff have been cut

And yet we say "resilience is what they need." Grit. That will solve the problem.

No. What they need is safety first. Emotional safety. Physical safety. Psychological safety.

Absenteeism Is Not Apathy. It Is Often Survival.

Persistent absenteeism is still being treated like defiance. Like a behavioural issue. But what if it is actually a cry for help?

I have spoken to young people who say: "What is the point? I am not going to get a job anyway." "I learn more on YouTube than in my lessons." "I am scared to go back. I am the one in that video."

This is not a motivation crisis. It is a connection crisis.

And instead of dismantling the reasons children are falling out of education; fear, shame, bullying, failure, mental health, poverty, pressure, humiliation; we tell them to try harder.

We are not bringing them back in. We are pushing them further out.

What Needs to Change

We need:

• Smartphone-free schools by law. Social media is harming children more than we are willing to admit
• Trauma-informed training for every teacher, not just SENCOs or behaviour leads
• Proper mental health support in every school. Not just awareness posters or one-day campaigns
• Real recognition that not every child has motivated parents, stable homes, or access to quiet, safe spaces
• Diverse, equally valued pathways to success. Academic achievement should not be the only measure
• Class sizes and staffing ratios that reflect the actual needs in the classroom
• A complete rethink of what we mean by success, progress, and potential

None of this is optional if we are serious about children's futures.

Final Thought

If we really want to talk about raising standards, then maybe we stop with the grit of children.

Maybe we start with the grit of the adults in charge.

We need to look at the environments we expect children to grow within, and ask whether they support flight or merely survival.

I do believe the direction of travel is hopeful. I do believe in the intent behind some of what is being said. And yes, I see it all through the lens of lived experience, my own, my children's, and the thousands of young people, parents, educators and professionals I work with every day.

But if there is one message I would leave with every policymaker, every school leader, every parent reading this, it is this:

Think differently. Ask what is missing, not just what is wrong. Remember that we are all neurodiverse. And never build a system for the majority that forgets the rest.

Because difference is not the problem. It is the foundation we have ignored for too long.

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Questions Leaders Often Ask

Is resilience bad for neurodivergent children?

Resilience itself is not the problem. The problem is expecting children to be resilient in environments that were never designed for how their brains work. True resilience comes from support, understanding, and removing unnecessary barriers.

What should schools focus on instead of grit?

Understanding how each child learns best, creating environments that reduce unnecessary cognitive load, and building relationships where children feel safe to ask for help. These foundations make genuine resilience possible.